It is upsetting to know that when you try your hardest the person you trusted most with yourself, had no reciprocation of those feelings. While you shared all of you, you weren’t the person that they were willing to fully share their feelings, thoughts and bad days with and that sucks. Having to sustain a relationship on your own is not worth having. I know and knew my self worth but I thought that person was as equally invested.
Things and situations change and people grow, yes grow but their fundamental characteristics don’t. It is up to both people to be strong and face challenges head on without feeling the pressure of whatever is going on. He wasn’t strong enough, he was a coward and he didn’t know how to value ME. Me who was willing and able, yet he chose to fight against the one person who was always going to be on his side, that wanted him to realize his own dreams and goals. While it still hurts and pains me to know that he was what I wanted, the feeling wasn’t mutual. How weak was he that he didn’t face the truth, that he didn’t see that I was strong and to be as strong as I was. Yet, still act as if nothing was wrong.
It’s been a week. They say, “His loss.” They are right. I love him and I always will. I don’t give up on people, but I also don’t want to force someone to make choices that aren’t mine to make. His journey of self fulfillment is his. If he ever needs me, I will be there but that is only if he is willing. I am not going to hurt myself further when I am not what he wants. He’s my best friend but sometimes it really is up to him to figure out what he wants. In the mean time I have to learn to let go, be free and achieve my goals. I am not going to wait, and I truly believe I deserve what he knows I deserve but isn’t willing to give… At least not to me.
That single life thou, I still got it. 😉
And yes, they are right when they say you only have one life, live it how you want, making your own choices, because I am fucking sure that it is no one else’s life but yours. Find your personal happiness because someone, somewhere is always going to have something negative to say.