Nerve Wreaking

It is exasperating wishing and hoping and knowing it might not happen.

I find myself still wondering, wondering and wondering again. Hoping and hoping again for some change for a change of feelings. That he will all of a sudden say, I was wrong I’m sorry, can we try again. 

I love and love hard, that might be too much for some people. I have to understand that I have to let him make his choice. A choice that wil assert the decision I made or change my mind. Honestly, it is up to him to make that choice. I know I still love him and the decision I made was so hard to make. 

I just couldn’t do it anymore, when he was vague all the time, when I had to force information out of him, when after his actions changed I started losing trust in what he said. When I didn’t know and he didn’t share. It is just hard to not want to reach out when he’s probably reaching out to others. When you were suppose to be the person he could always trust, and where he could always find love and respect. Long distance is hard, it was a test to the amount of courage and actual investment we had in our relationship. 

All I can fall back on was the fact that I tried to make it work. I have to have faith in myself and if he chooses to at least salvage a friendship, that again, is up to him, no matter how willing I am. That’s up to the other person. I have to trust that I made the right choice. Sometimes, being who I am, it just takes a while to accept. 

Cry it out. Breathe. Stay strong. Smile. Live. 


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