There is no greater pain then the immediate pain you feel when you think about how you feel, what you expected and what was actually given. This isn’t the first time I’ve loved and lost. I love so hard sometimes that I forget to not give all of me into that single person. I forget that not everyone is going to love me like I love them.
Having loved and not loved in return like I loved hurts. What I had thought and expected, didn’t happen. Communication failed and that is what happened. I couldn’t handle as much as he couldn’t handle communicating. Love lost this time around, again. When someone says IDK that means no. He wasn’t willing when I was 100 percent, again. He didn’t want to, when I did. He didn’t love me… When I did. Now that, that right there hurts. He was a coward as much as I was too naïve to think that I could… That we could. I was hung up on what could’ve been, that I forgot what was. He was so lost that I got lost within his confusion. He did and was willing to fall out of love but I kept hanging. No one teaches you the pain that you have to go through when there is no return of your feelings, when someone you love keeps you hanging because they don’t want to hurt you. It is worse to hang on than to let go. It is better to let go then to lose more years fighting the inevitable.
Am I crying and am I in a sad place? Of course, I am. I am crying as I write this but it’ll be okay. Because for me, there is no path but forward. No path but the future. I don’t do cowardice, I do love, I do trust, I do communication and I do.
Move on. Now, I just have to believe it.