It has been a while. I have been living life the best I can by being happy, doing the best I can at what I do, and loving those that I know will be there when shit goes down. I think I have been in love before. I think love is relative to the person who is with you and communication is an integral part of that relationship. I have never been someone who lives with her heart on her sleeve. I am selective of the people I include into my life and I think that is because I have been hurt before. Now, most people would say that hurt and heartache is a part of growing up. I take this with a grain of salt because you should be able to protect yourself while loving others. My mother always reminds me to never really truly trust someone 100 percent. Now, this I take whole heartedly. I easily become friends with people and easily smile to those that surround me. However, we must learn that not everyone will be your friend and not everyone will be there for you when bad or sad things happen to you.
I had a group of friends once that I thought would support me no matter what. It goes without saying that I was wrong. I think losing those friendships hurt more than losing someone I thought I could’ve fallen in love with. Things change and we learn that, sometimes, when we stop ourselves from truly putting on our feelings on the line, we hurt the relationships we could’ve formed. I do not completely blame them for what happened but I fell like they should’ve been more supportive than the nothing that I got. I learned many things from this experience. Communication is a must, something I still have problems with, on a personal level, which my best friend has recently brought up to me as being one of my flaws. I am working on it, I promise! Anyways, I learned from my experience.
I think this is something that most people don’t do: listen. In my communication courses, we are constantly taught to listen. As humans, I think we are selfish and we do not try to listen to others and would rather just hear. I try not to look at the past, but sometimes it cannot be helped especially when some scars take some time to heal. I will always hold a special memory of those that have crossed my path, but sometimes I need to learn to just let go, no matter how hard it is. Living life, or growing up, may be faced with heartache but it does not mean we have to be ruled by it. The friends that I have now, I make sure to listen to and let them in more often than not. Love, now-a-days, is harder to come by. Especially when materialistic things and lust is what people choose to pursue, and when television perpetrates our generations that it is alright to marry and hook-up on a whim. I learn to live by the rules of trust, commitment, and love. I have learned to open my heart but to be careful. Most people would say to be open-hearted and to just live, but if you do not protect yourself then no one else will. It is a funny world, full of contradictions and things that we will never truly know.
In the end, I try to be patient about those that surround me and to include people into my life a bit more. I can smile easily but when it comes to really letting others in, I always remember to be careful. Now, don’t think I cannot love because I love whole-heartedly it is just that we must learn that people can be self-centered and egotistical. We must separate ourselves from these types of people and learn how to tell these people apart from those that truly have your best interest at heart. It is in these relationships that we must open our hearts and create a bond like no other. It is the things that I learn from each experience that I go through. It might be a matter of prospective and this is mine.